What Have I Done?! - Poetry.

Love and relationships, caring fully+deeply for a person, lust and falling in love, all of that can be so difficult. Especially if you have been hurt or burnt like I have and not just from a boyfriend-only kind of relationship but even from a husband whom I thought would be my forever, my happily ever after! Sometimes I dig into my brain and so many questions pop up: Did I deserve this kind of love?! Did I deserve to be hurt?! I guess the answer to that will depend on who you ask LOL. Ain't that the truth. He said, she said. There are three sides to every story. I can play these word games all day long, honestly, but I poured some of my thoughts and feelings and metaphors into my latest poem. And I haven't written a love poem in so long, but February is the month of love so why not?! F.Y.I. Take everything with a grain of salt because this is a poem after all.

WHAT  HAVE  I  DONE?!

[10.30 PM Eastern Time, Detroit MI, February 12, 2020]

What have I done to deserve love

that once captured the soul

like deep thoughts digging the brain,

like fireworks burning through clean air...?!

What have I done to be free from pain

that ate me up, chewed me into pieces,

that felt deep and hurtful not shallow, neither vain

that threw me to the foxes and the wolves...?!

What have I done to feel alone

like I have never felt or been before,

my self-esteem and my pride gone,

my heart sliced and my soul injured even more...?!

What have I done to deal with the consequences

that a broken heart left behind,

so many doors closed, I lost so many chances,

I cried an ocean, I got sick inside...!

What have I done to fall in love with losers

that make up stories, stack up lies,

handsome and good with words, but in reality - bastards,

what have I done, why didn't I learn...?!

But enough is enough, here I am,

dashing and sweet, romantic and caring,

he walked towards me, totally my jam,

an outsider who touched me inside, ...blazing!

What have I done to deserve love

that captures the soul and my entire being

like the stanzas of this poem I am composing today,

making me tremble because (for him) I am falling...!?!